Bittersweet Stockings

We finally have stockings for everyone. The past few years we've sort of had a mismatched set of this or that, not sure if we want to add a 'dad' or 'mom' stocking or not, and we just never had "good" stockings. So, I found this company on ebay to embroider our names on our stockings, all seven of us. SEVEN OF US! It didn't really hit me until they came in that we have five children. Whether they are all in our home or not, we have five children. And, when I pulled them all out of the package they came in, Avery's was the first one I saw, and it was so sudden, that we are really missing someone. Precious Avery.

There are things in our lives that have just become a part of us. We have this map of China in our hallway. We have this book about China on our shelf. We have a massive stack of papers allowing us to have her. We have friends who have adopted children from China who send us pictures of their children and their beautiful Asian faces are in our house. We talk about Avery. We pray for Avery and her birth parents. She has become such a part of our lives even though she isn't physically here that we forget she's a part of our lives. And then her stocking comes in the mail, with HER name on it and it all comes back to us - what we are doing. We are waiting for our baby girl.

This Christmas we are so grateful that we have four kids to keep us busy and watch them enjoy the gifts of Christmas. What would it be like if we were a couple who couldn't have kids? But, we KNOW what that face looks like when they "get" Christmas and Santa. Thank you God that we know! And to be privileged to see it more times is such a blessing! I CAN NOT wait to see it on each of my children's faces, but Avery's will be such a special blessing. Not more special than the others, just different special.

I pray that I am not having the same feelings next Christmas. That I am able to show you actual pictures of Avery with her brothers and sisters dressed in her Christmas dress. I know that God's timing is perfect and I do want His will to be done. As any mother, I just want my children home.